Loosing Your Heart
by Rhiannon A. Christy
Summary: Steve recieves a letter from a sick fan with a request, one he was only too happy to fulfill. Sad fic, you have been warned!


_**!TISSUE WARNING!**_

Shutting the door slowly behind him, Steve took a moment to just breathe. He closed his eyes, the fingers of his right hand going to press tightly into them.

"It never gets any easier does it?" Darcy stood from her perch at the desk, her feet padding quietly along the floors in nothing but her stockings. She stopped just in front of Steve, her hand slipping up to run through his hair the best she could. Sometimes height difference was more of a pain in the ass than a turn on.

"The day it does is the day I've lost my heart." Steve sighed into the touch of the woman beside him and turned so he could lean all the way down to rest his forehead against hers. "This isn't supposed to be easy. Nothing this wrong is easy."

"But they are better for it. For a little while they can just be kids." Darcy closed her eyes as she felt a couple of Steve's tears fall onto her cheeks. These visits always drained him emotionally, but she knew he would never stop them. He was just too good of a man.

"I wish there was more I could do for them." Sometimes he wondered about the world. He had been where several of those kids had been many times. The problem was why was it that he had been chosen to overcome it, why had he been allowed a miracle when he knew so many of those children would die?

"You make them smile and give them hope. Steve… you can't save them all." She hated to say it, because she not only understood him, but agreed.

This was an old discussion between them, one that was revisited every time Steve made an appearance. He opened his mouth to reply as he always did, but before he could say anything the door on the other side of the room opened.

Darcy and Steve slowly moved apart. Not that their relationship was a secret or anything. Hell, even a year after they got together the media still loved covering stories about their favorite "All American Sweethearts." And yes it was always capitalized. Still, the moment had been a private one between them and neither wanted to share it with the man that just entered.

"Good going, Captain. Once these pictures hit the internet we are looking at a significant increase in your popularity. Even more once that video of you playing ball with the wheelchair kids makes the news."

Steve stood straighter, his breathing coming harsher as he looked across from him at the suit-clad man.

Humphrey Astor worked PR for the Avengers and newly formed Shield. He was an average man, height and looks wise, but when it came to his personality he rated top marks for dis-likability. He had been brought in after the Ultron fiasco to help with the Avengers public image, and while he had been successful no one liked him. Actually all the Avengers wanted nothing more than to chuck the smarmy bastard out on his ass, but Fury wouldn't allow it. The world needed the Avengers, it would make it easier all around if they were liked as well.

"Those kids have names." Steve felt a small hand rest against the small of his back, running up and down and in small circles. Darcy could always read him perfectly, and knew he was moments from going back-alley on the man. Not something very helpful for his image.

"Yeah, yeah, but the public won't care. All they are going to notice is that Captain America made a few wheelchair kids smile. In a week those kids names will be forgotten, but the image of you out there with a ball won't. And that is all that matters." Humphrey adjusted his glasses before pulling out his phone and a stylus. He had done a lot for the Avengers' image. He thought the least they could do was thank him.

"That is the last thing that matters. I don't do this for the publicity, not for the Avengers. I do it for the children, to give them hope and bring attention of their needs to the public. I do it because I care for those kids." He felt a churning in his stomach, the thought that everyone believed he did it for the publicity making him sick.

"That's a good speech, Captain. Maybe we should do a Frontline special or something, that speech would be perfect." Humphrey looked up from his phone and over to the hand clawing into his arms. He blinked at Ms. Lewis, unsure what was going on. The woman could be a bit unpredictable, but for the most part her college background in political science meant she knew how to behave.

"Mr. Astor, I suggest you shut up and leave before the good ol' Captain here remembers his roots and punches your face off." Darcy's nails dug in deeper when Astor looked like he was going to speak. Thankfully he took one look at Steve's clenched face, nodded his head and turned and left.

"At this point I would rather deal with Tony's PR department." Steve sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He understood why they couldn't. After everything with Ultron, Tony removed himself from the Avengers. Fury suggested that it would be best to distance themselves from Stark as much as possible, at least for awhile. Tony still advised Shield, designed and made weapons and tech, but he was completely removed from anything the public could see.

"At this point I would rather deal with Tony." Darcy shook her head, a small smile on her face. "Come on, let's get going. Get you out of that uniform."

"Do you ever think of anything but sex?" Not that he would complain. There were times where all Steve wanted was to lock the two of them away from the world and stay in bed for weeks on end.

"Naughty boy, I was talking about a bath and then ice cream in front of the tv. Though if you have a better idea, I'm all ears." She smirked when Steve stalked forward and gathered her up, his nose going to bury in the crook of her neck.

"Maybe later, right now all I want is just to hold you." He placed a small kiss against her neck, the smell of her enough to slow his raging heart.

"I'd like that."

* * *

Steve leaned back in his chair, his fingers playing with the label on his water bottle. He had gotten back from his morning run around fifteen minutes ago, but he didn't like to start breakfast until Darcy was up. It was a bit of a routine between them when he was home. It felt nice having that bit of normal in his life.

"Morning." Steve smiled when he felt two arms wrap around his neck, a curvy body resting against his back.

Darcy mumbled into Steve's hair, something that she hoped sounded like good morning, but she was sure came out more like, "gug mmmrnnn."

"Coffee is in the pot. Why don't you make yourself a cup before you fall asleep and drool in my hair." He turned his head and nipped at Darcy's arm, laughing when she moved off him sluggishly.

"I don't drool." Darcy pouted as she dragged herself over to the coffee machine. Why did the damn thing have to be so far away? She was going to talk to Steve about having one set up next to her side of the bed. The one with a timer.

"You fell asleep on my chest last night, and I woke up with a pool of spit on my stomach." He laughed loudly when Darcy's repose was to swing her arm around and flip him off.

"Deserves you right if you are going to get me up this early. Why the fuck did you wake up so early today?" Not caring about her tongue, Darcy took a huge gulp of her coffee. Steve was normally up before her, off to run and generally be gorgeous in the world. But he had woken two hours earlier than normal.

"No one said you had to get up yet." Steve grabbed ahold of Darcy's waist as she moved past him and pulled her into his lap. She ignored her cries when she complained about him being sweaty and just held tight until she stopped and cuddled up to him.

"You know I can't sleep very long after you get up. The bed is too cold." One thing could be said to having a boyfriend as big as Steve, she could easily curl up into a little ball in his lap. It was one of her favorite places actually. "You never answered my question."

"Hhmmm." Steve buried his nose in her hair, his arms holding her securely to him. "Got a new batch of fan-mail yesterday."

"How many proposals this time?" Darcy laughed and sipped at her coffee. She could clearly remember the first time she had sat in on him opening his fan-mail. The poor guy spent the whole day picking through marriage proposals and sex offers just to get to the letters from the children. Those were his favorite. All over the apartment he had framed drawings and pictures of kids in little Cap costumes. He knew the name of each child and which piece belonged to which kid. It made Darcy's ovaries melt.

"The normal amount. Though you got a few too. Burned them." Steve couldn't say he wasn't flattered, but it still surprised him how many people sent them to him when the whole world knew he was with Darcy.

"Hmmm, I probably shouldn't find your jealousy arousing, but I kind of do." She leaned up and nipped at the tip of his chin, giggling when he turned his head down to press a kiss to her lips. "So, I doubt the world finally realizing what a piece of hot stuff I am got you up. Mind telling me what the matter actually is?"

"Got a letter from this kid out in Iowa, Michal Dabney. He's only five, but he's dying." Steve swallowed and held Darcy closer. "He's got a congenital heart disease, pretty advanced. At least that is what the letter his parents' wrote along with his said. He's not expected to live much longer, maybe a couple of months at most, a couple of days at least. His parents said he's had surgery to close the holes in his heart, but they opened up again, and another surgery won't help because it has affected his lungs."

Darcy clutched at her coffee cup, fingers turning white against the blue of the ceramic. She hated when stuff like this came up. It wasn't the first time dying kids, or adults for that matter, wrote to him. They normally just wanted to let him know how much they loved him and to thank him for saving the world again and again. The thing was, each letter upset Steve. He remembered each name of those that died, he kept their letters in a special album. She had caught him several times praying for those poor people and their families. Steve grieved along with them as though he had known each of them.

"Michal has asked me if I can visit. He said he wants to meet me at least once." Steve curled his fingers in the fabric of Darcy's robe, hoping that she would once again be able to ground him. "I want to do it."

"Of course, no question about it. But…" Darcy looked up into the pained face of the man she loved. "…what else is wrong?"

"I don't want this turned into a media circus. If Astor got ahold of this-"

"He would have every news station and paper there? Yeah he would." Relaxing the grip on her coffee cup, she slowly raised the cup to her lips. "There could be a way around it. We don't have to tell Mr. Ass-tor, this is not some public appearance."

"How do you plan on getting around him? He keeps a pretty strict watch over our activities." Steve growled lowly as he thought about the time the guy showed up when Darcy and him had been on a date. Apparently, he needed to know where they were going at all times so he could do his job. Steve still had his doubts about that.

"I'll talk to the gang. If we get him busy with a 'crisis' elsewhere you and I could easily slip off to Iowa." Darcy thought a moment before setting her cup on the table. "Probably should actually call in Tony on this one. He could fly us out there under the radar…. as strange as that sounds."

"I want to do it as soon as we can. From what his parents wrote I'm not sure how long he has left." He sighed when, instead of replying, Darcy wound her arms around his chest and held him tightly. He was never sure what he did to deserve her, but by God he was glad he had done it.

* * *

It was only a couple of days later that Steve and Darcy headed off to see Michal. The rest of the team had no problems with helping them distract Astor. In fact Wanda suggested using her powers on him, but Steve was adamant that no powers were to be involved. In the end it was agreed that Wanda and Vision would head out for the day. The public was very curious about Vision, mostly his relationship with the "Scarlet Witch."

Steve took in a deep breath as he stood just outside of Michal's door, Darcy's hand securely in his. Everything had gone down without a hitch. Astor took the bait and Steve and Darcy were off on a private plane. And now there they stood, Steve in full Cap regalia and Darcy in her best jeans and blouse.

Realizing that the man beside her was nervous, Darcy knocked on the door and slowly opened it at the quiet "come in" from inside. They both took two steps inside, tears springing to their eyes as they landed on the small boy in the bed. He had more than just heart problems, he had Downs. Darcy's niece, Lilly, had Downs, and she was the sweetest kid anyone would ever meet.

Michal gave a huge smile at the sight at the door, and at that Steve moved quickly into the room. Darcy stayed a couple of steps behind, watching as Steve went to bend over and give the boy a hug. She felt her heart stop for a moment at the image before her, but knew she needed to remain strong until they left for their hotel later.

"Cap'an 'merica!" Michal moved up in bed the best he could, his father rushing over to help him settle into a full sit. "You came!"

"Of course I did, Buddy." Steve took the seat that Michal's mother offered him right beside the bed. "I would have come sooner, but I only just got your letter."

"It's ok." Michal smiled widely at the man beside him. He was his hero and his favorite Avenger. He had told his Momma and Daddy that he wished he could meet him, and Daddy said he should write him a letter. He didn't think he would come, he was so busy saving the world. But he came.

Darcy stayed a few feet away, her hands tucked behind her. Her heart hurt at the look of admiration on the boy's face. As she stood there she gazed around the room. The place was filled with Captain America merch. Action figures, posters, a fake shield, even his bedding was Captain America. She gulped back a sob, a sound that Steve must have heard as he turned to look at her.

"I'm sorry, I'm being rude." Steve held out his hand for Darcy, holding it tightly when she placed hers in his. "Michal, I would like you to meet Darcy, she's my-"

"Girlf'end, shes on tv wif you a lot." Michal smiled a gave a huge wave towards Darcy. "Hi, Da'cy!"

"Hey big guy, it's nice to meet you." Darcy leaned over and gave a hug to the boy when he held out his arms. There was a lot about him that reminded her of Lilly. The way he smiled, not just with his lips but with his eyes. The way he was always happy and open to everyone. And the hugs, Lilly always wanted to hug every person she met. Michal seemed the same.

"I'm glad you two could visit, it means the world to Michal." The boy's dad stepped up beside Captain America and held out his hand. "I'm Walter, and this is my wife Nikol."

"Nice to meet you." Steve shook Walter's hand and gave a smile and wave to Nikol, who remained on the other side of her son's bed.

Over the next several hours Steve and Michal talked, took pictures, and even sang Michal's favorite song. The two of them now sat cuddled up together the best they could on the bed while Darcy giggled at the end as she steadied her camera. Michal had wanted to try on Cap's cowl, so, with a little help from Walter, they had placed the helmet over Michal's head without disturbing his oxygen mask.

"Take pic'sure!" Michal laughed as Darcy clicked the camera a couple of times.

"I've got a lot of good ones. Want to see?" Darcy moved over to stand beside Michal, waiting until Walter and Steve had removed the helmet, so she could lean down and show the boy.

Michal laughed and clapped at the pictures, but soon he was yawning wide. Steve noticed the time and realized they had kept the boy from resting too long. He stood up, dusted off his slacks, and gave a smile to Michal.

"We should probably let you get some sleep." Steve felt his stomach clench at the tears that filled Michal's eyes, but he didn't want to keep the boy awake when he needed sleep.

"You come back 'morrow?" Michal had a lot of fun with Cap…Steve and Darcy, and he didn't want them to leave, but he was sleepy.

"Of course." Steve set his cowl down on the chair and sat down on the edge of Michal's bed. "Friends always visit friends when they are not feeling well."

"You my f'end?" Michal smiled and bounced on the bed as he looked over to his parents. "Mamma, Daddy, Cap'an 'merica's my f'end!"

"I know, Sweety." Walter held his wife closely, watching the happiness of their son. He practically beamed as he threw his arms around the Captain's neck and hugged him.

"I loff you." Michal pressed a kiss to Cap…his friend Steve's cheek and pulled back with a huge yawn.

"I… I love you too, Buddy." Steve leaned over to press a kiss to the boy's forehead before standing up. He felt Darcy at his side, her eyes wet as she leaned down to give a kiss and say goodbye to the boy.

They left only a few minutes later, Michal already drifting off to sleep. They drove the car that Tony had waiting for them to the hotel, where after getting their room, they curled up on the bed together. Neither one talked, the lumps in their throats too large to allow any sound through. They only held each other tightly and drifted off to sleep themselves.

* * *

The next morning Steve and Darcy walked down the hall of the hospital towards Michal's room. Darcy held a packet in her hands. She had gone early that morning to the closest place with a Kodak center and made copies of all the pictures so the boy could have them in his room. She figured he would like to show them off to all the doctors and nurses.

They realized that something was wrong once they got close to Michal's door. The hall was filled with nurses, the door to the boy's room wide open as people moved in and out. Steve saw Walter and Nikol leaning against the wall outside the room, holding tightly to each other. He moved quickly then, his heart feeling like something was knotted around it.

"What happened, is everything…" Steve quieted as his eyes gazed into the room and caught sight of Michal, still on the bed without his oxygen mask or monitors.

"He's gone. He woke up for a couple hours this morning, said he loved us and asked when you were coming, and then…" Walter broke down alongside his wife, holding her tightly as they cried for the loss of their child.

Darcy wrapped her arms around Steve, and the two of them stood there in the hallway grieving with Michal's parents. The boy had been so alert the day before, laughing and talking. How could he be gone? In one instant?

The doctor came out of the room soon after, informing them that they could have some time with Michal. Steve watched Walter and Nikol enter the room and shut the door. He breathed out a shaky breath and leaned against the wall with Darcy still in his arms.

He didn't dare imagine that he would get to say goodbye to Michal, but a few minutes later Walter opened the door and asked the both of them in. They moved slowly, but they went in the room and stood next to the boy.

Steve placed a hand over Michal's and just held it as he looked at him. If it hadn't been for the blue of his lips he would have looked like he was only sleeping. He felt tears fall, but he didn't wipe them away. They all stood there for a long time before Steve stepped away.

"This is my personal number. If you would, inform me of the funeral, I would like to attend." Steve held out a small piece of paper he had quickly written on and held it out to Walter.

"We want to thank you, both of you. Michal never had many friends, the ones he does… did have were never very close. When you called him your friend…" Walter held a hand to his mouth as he tried to compose himself enough to talk. "When you called him your friend, that made his world. So, we want to thank you for making his last day such a happy one. We will be forever grateful to you."

Steve made a small 'hurmph" sound when both Walter and Nikol pulled him into a hug. Darcy smiled through her tears, and used the distraction and go to Michal. She leaned down, smoothed the hair away from his forehead and gave him a kiss. She whispered her goodbye, placed the packet of pictures in his arms and stepped away.

Darcy gave both of Michal's parents a hug before taking Steve's hand. They were silent as they left the room and hospital. They had to get back to the hotel to pack, even though all they really wanted to do was sleep. They wouldn't be able to stay in town until the funeral, as they longer they stayed the more likely the media would find them. But they both planned to come back.

They might not have known Michal for more than a day, but there were just some people in the world that didn't take long to love. Michal was one of them.

* * *

Author's Note: So you know, I cried writing this. Anyway, I guess this is sort of based a bit on what happened with my sister. My sister had Downs and heart problems, she died almost two years ago now. She wasn't as young as Michal, she was actually 28, just a few months shy of 29. She loved Captain America, had a huge crush on him. She was the sweetest person you would ever have met. She loved giving people hugs, and she was all laughs.

I tried to base Michal's speech on hers, though Marli-Girl never spoke as clearly as this, but she had been tongue-tied at birth too.

Now after this, I so need to work on something not heart wrenching, so hopefully I will be able to work on "Degrees" now.


End file.
